Concepts nailed these trackpants. In high school, I knew this girl who always wore gathered sweatpants and trackpants. They were always kind of baggy and she’d roll them at the waist and pair them with Air Maxes and Dunks. She was the fucking coolest. She also had a bunch of older siblings that all went to small east coast liberal arts colleges, so all of her trackpants had dope, obscure New England college names embroidered on them. One time, we skipped our respective schools and went to the fancy mall where we wandered through Sephora and she asked me, “What’s your favorite cologne?” I panicked for a second because the reigning cool guy cologne at the time was definitely from Abercrombie & Fitch. But the only cologne I owned was Drakkar Noir. Only thing was that I never wore it because I was afraid a girl would smell it and think I was trying to impress her and even though I was trying to impress her, I didn’t want her to think I was trying to impress her, you know? Anyways, I was like, “Uh Drakkar Noir, I guess,” and she twirled on her toes to face me, poked me in the chest and said, “Don’t ever change.” NOW WHEN I SEE THINGS LIKE “NARRAGANSETT” AND “BOWDOIN” EMBROIDERED ON TRACKPANTS, I THINK OF THAT GIRL AND HOW IF I HAD WORN DRAKKAR NOIR MORE WE MIGHT BE MARRIED AND SHE’D WEAR HER TRACKPANTS ROLLED AT THE WAIST WHILE I MADE OUR NUCLEAR FAMILY BREAKFAST THAT INCLUDES SEASONAL FRUIT, DANK FRENCH TOAST AND SMASHED ROASTED POTATOES WITH ROSEMARY AND FANCY BLACK PEPPER.