BREAKING: Most chicks you're trying to get with actually hate your rare hemlines. You can explain the day away running through how your favorite Rick Owens shirt has only one seam and clings to your frail body just how you like, but she'll be stubborn about it and let you keep talking until you start to realize just how fucking stupid you sound. Save that shit for the Four Pins comments. Of course, we'll never advocate for you wearing a goddamn suit everyday. That's the one thing separating you from becoming a certified old. But, if we're being serious, you'll never get any trim if you don't look at least a little bit grown up, which is why Club Monaco is kind of the shit. Lemme set the scene: It's early October and your friend is hosting a get-together—nothing too fancy, but there will be $25 bottles of wine and special rabbit sausages instead of hot dogs. There will actually be women there too, surprisingly. You show up with the second most expensive bottle of Cab Sav. This girl across the way comments on your taste in vino and since you aren't blacked out in full turbo goth mode, she'll talk to you for more than 30 seconds and maybe, possibly, be willing to subject herself to three subsequent hours of on-on-one time. That's how you might just get you a girlfriend.
