The homies at Tabor Made wanted to make the perfect winter weight tee and they've come pretty damn close with their new terry-looped Warner tee, available in both black and grey. It's like a sweatshirt, but in tee form and has a curved "scalloped hemline" almost like a baseball jersey, but without having to associate yourself with baseball.
We're all about education here, so let's back up and talk a bit about the brand. Tabor Made, a brand from one half of the genius duo behind Trillblazin, refers to Mount Tabor, which is a big ass hill in Portland and also the name of a lovely neighborhood surrounding said big ass hill. It's a nice hill too, featuring an expansive park with plenty of trees and trails. People often go to this park to run, walk and to get one of the best westward views of the city, maybe even catch a vibing sunset with a babe or two and definitely toke up.
Shit, I was there with my bros not four months ago and we were tripping on acid, so the views were, like, super vibin', but in the middle of the trip, my good friend—let's call him, uh, Jim?—well, Jim had to take a shit. And, for some reason, there are no bathrooms at Tabor despite it being a popular public park, except for a few Honey Buckets at the top, which we were unaware of at the time. Home was a solid two miles away and, as a group, we weren't mentally prepared for dealing with having to poop. So, Jim wandered off while another friend and I lay in some grass and looked at the clouds which, if you didn't know, are actually a geometric force field that keeps us concealed inside the matrix. Anyway, Jim comes back a bit later, his brow sweaty with stress. This is a crowded park mind you—there are cyclists, dog walkers and families abound—but Jim somehow found a concealed, to his knowledge at least, area behind some trees and he pooped. He pooped in the park.
Normally, I would have been unfathomably stressed that somebody saw him and that I, a cultured citizen of the world, associated with the type of person who would poop in a park, but given our state I brushed it off and we continued on to experience a super rad sunset and then went home to get pizza. The point? Jim is the type of person, tall and naturally jacked, who would look great in one of these tees. He also took a shit on the mountain for which the brand is named and it is these unpredictable synchronicities that make life splendid.
Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Brooklyn. You can follow him on Twitter here.
