The Best And Worst Dressed (And Most Heavily On Drugs) At The 2015 Grammys

Feb 09, 2015
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Musicians are what make the red carpet go 'round. Most of them are fucking lunatics, so their alphets reflect their constant state of mental unbalance, especially when compared to politically correct, middle of the road leaning actors o Hollywood. Like, ugh, those motherfuckers are so boring. So, right, the 2015 Grammys were last night and everything was right in the world despite the fact that they haven't handed out a correct award since their inception. Overall, we got some weirdness, some beautiful dimes looking foine as hell, a whole lot of old people performing old people songs and a Kanye stage rush that didn't actually materialize, but was still easily the dopest dad joke of all time. It was pretty mcuh four hours (SIX if you include the red carpet) of greatness. Let's see who showed up and who should have stayed at home.

1. grammys lead

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2. John mayer

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John Mayer

The visvim gawd came through in a very non-visvim look (Brioni MTM for those of you keeping score at home) and kind of killed it.

3. Beyonce

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Beyonce

I really prefer long-haired Beyonce and this is a very motherly and responsible look, which makes sense since she is all our adopted mom. Still wildly sexy.

4. Rihanna

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Rihanna

You could seriously spot Rihanna from an overhead shot of the Staples Center last night. It's like she microwaved a Peep or some shit.

5. Iggy azalea

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Iggy Azalea

Iggy was shut out of every category she was nominated in, sending Twitter into full-on celebratory mode. She also looks like she has a loaf of challah bread on her head.

6. Kimye

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Kimye

Him in Balmain, her in Jean Paul Gaultier. Him doing a stunt by not actually doing a stunt, her keeping her mouth shut and just looking like a gawdess. It was a typical Grammys for the most interesting couple alive.

7. xsthpkutj5rfqtop5ncc

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Kanye Sweatsuit

Kanye also wore the new Adidas Yeezy Boots with a velour sweatsuit that is reportedly part of his Adidas collection, but also maybe just Haider Ackerman F/W 15. Either way, Sopranos chic is back and hypbeasts now have their own version of the classic basic bitch Juicy tracksuit and Uggs combo to rip off.

8. tswift

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Taylor Swift

Taylor looks really, really good here. Can we all just admit this to ourselves that she's the new queen of New York? She and Ye even made peace too, dapping each other up and sharing a embrace. Congrats, world peace has finally been achieved.

9. nicki

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Nicki Minaj

Compare current Nicki to where she was just a couple of years ago. Is anyone else on earth thriving and flourishing more than Onika? Meek Mill won.

10. Gaga tony bennett

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Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett

Most on drugs? Definitely ya grandpa Tony Bennett. There is no way this walking bag of bone could've stay up past 8pm without some sort of chemical assistance. Lady Gaga looks like an orange with a coke dream.

11. Katy perry

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Katy Perry

This is, like, see-through, but not. And I really wish it was tbh. KP also pulled the strongest hair color change going from purple to black for her performance and back to purple 10 minutes later. John Mayer lost.

12. Gwen

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Gwen Stefani

This is Gwen Stefani. She is 45 years old. Hear that? That's the sound of your mom killing herself.

13. Sia

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Sia

Sia's still out here refusing to show her face like she has Fetty Wap's eye or something, this time going with not a mask or glasses, but with a huge white wig. Then she sang into the corner for her performance in a perfect impression of me doing "Chandelier" karaoke in my room.

14. Charli xcx

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Charli XCX

Charli was 4 days late in celebrating Cam'ron's birthday, but we appreciate the effort.

15. Madonna

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Diplo, Madonna, Nas

Is there a worse trio of album collaborators than these three? Madonna looks like a S&M matador coming out of retirement for one last "gorging." She flashed her ass on the carpet, but we'll spare you that nightmarish imagery.

16. Ciara

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Ciara

Why couldn't Ciara and Future work it out? Fuck. Where did we go wrong? God, she's perfect.

17. Rita ora

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Rita Ora

Rita Ora was the best-dressed Rihanna impersonator of the night, just like every night.

18. B9XKdVkIgAEpfa9

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Pharrell

Worst fucking dressed HANDS DOWN. Pharrell's entire Adidas short suit was made of 3M material, so, when the flash hits, it reflects, this being the result. Finally, the metaphorical Stone Cold Stunner that 3M needed to be vanquished once and for all. Also, don't button both buttons, you fool. That's #menswear 101.

19. Usher

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Usher

The award for most confusing collar.

20. John and chrissy

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Chrissy Teigen and John Legend

If your girl doesn't follow Chrissy on Instagram, be thankful because you aren't bombarded with #RelationshipGoals every second. These two are so in love and look fucking fantastic as always. Ugh, fine, #RelationshipGoals. Happy now?

21. Big sean ariana

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Big Sean and Ariana Grande

Big Sean is having the best time of his life. I don't think he actually "won" anything, but you get my point.

22. Nick jonas

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Nick Jonas

He may be dating Miss Universe 2012, but he's also wearing struggle Kanye 808s era clothing wayyyy past the 808s era. Catch up, bro. Nobody is jealous of this fit.

23. Anna kendrick

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Anna Kendrick

Anna looks decidedly badass right here. A lot different than her typical prim, fairy-like outfits. I fully support this. Her cups floweth over.

24. Gambino

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Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino

I'm convinced that beard is spray-painted on, but his Lanvin tux is pretty on point. But, yeah, I'm just as confused as Donald as to why people think he is a real rapper.

25. Megan trainor

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Meghan Trainor

The dress is whatever, but she did bring her dad Gary (obviously his name is "Gary" lmao) to the show and pops was pretty fucking chill. You always see guys bringing their moms to award shows, let's give dads more love.

26. Chris brown

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Chris Brown

Breezy looks more like Dennis Rodman than Dennis Rodman does.

27. Mike will and miley

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Mike Will Made It and Miley Cyrus

He went with "Black Tie Tupac" and she went with "kindergarten snowflake cutout."

28. Sam smith

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Sam Smith

Someone stop this avalanche of boringness. Dude won four Grammys! I like you better as a sneaker.

29. Paris Hilton

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Paris Hilton

Contrary to popular belief, Paris Hilton has not died from drowning in a baby pool of molly water.

30. Ed sheeran

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Ed Sheeran

Ed has never once washed his hair and looks like a bartender for a catering company. The tattoo starter kit does nothing for your edge by the way.

31. Joy Villa

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Joy Villa

We're into some of the struggle attendees now, fam, so strap in and hold on tight lest your head explode out of your asshole. I don't know who Joy Villa is, but she looks like she was on her way to the show and stopped at the side of the road to grab some last minute construction fence smfh.

32. Bleona Qereti

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Bleona Qereti

This is the "Madonna of Albania" and she's doing her best impression of Jamie Lannister with that gold chest plate. Congrats on having both of your hands, I guess?

33. Elton Castee

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Elton Castee

Elton Caste is a YouTube and Vine star who shaved stripes into his leg hair because that's what you do when you're not a real celebrity.

34. Frankie grande

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Frankie Grande

Ariana Grande's brother, still the fucking worst, still a fucking legend.

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