Damn, the last time I considered buying something from Helmut Lang was when I almost bought a girl I was dating that handcuff bracelet thing. That was Helmut Lang, right lol? Anyways, I decided not too because I felt like buying my then girlfriend a handcuff smelled way too much of the patriarchy. I mean, giving your girl a handcuff is way too literal a reading of cuffing season. Anyways, I told her about my conundrum and she was like, "I'm more into woven leather bracelets anyway." And that's why I dumped her ass. Okay, fine, we broke up fairly amicably aka we just weren't that compatible aka I heard she gave a handy to some dude in the lame fraternity. DAWG, THE LAME FRATERNITY? I'VE NEVER HAD SUCH A PERSONAL BRAND FAIL, FAM. I pretty much had to change my name and shit. Straight up, I used to be called John Moy. The subtle switch to Jon with no "H" has made all the difference. Oh yeah, this sweatshirt has a funnel neck which is dope as fuck.
