"You couldn't wear a fedora if your lives depended on it," says YouTuber, and now viral superstar, skunkpaste. Apparently, all of us fedora haters have missed the boat as we yell out "swag" and "yolo" at the top of our lungs. But skunkpaste, a true ambassador of the people, knows the red-headed stepchild of the hat world, the fedora, is reserved for only the classiest of fellows such as himself.
I get it. The fedora gets a lot of hate online. Like, a fucking ton. It's the perfect scapegoat for the neckbearded pick up artists amongst us. We all know the look: fedora, pinstripe vest, deep purple dress shirt, metallic Regis tie and black slacks, none of which actually fit. But skunkpaste won't take this hate sitting down in front of his computer screen. Oh, hell no. He's here to take up the mantle like William Wallace to show us that while we can take his life, we can never take his freedom...to wear a fedora.
He implores us to have to take a quick look at ourselves in the mirror and realize that we are not cool enough to wear this hat. He flashes the middle finger like he just learned what it means and calls us "bully trolls" and "stupid ass haters" and tells us that he'll slit our "throatnecks." His incessant swaying back and forth conveys just how angry he is. He is so fucking lit, bro. You can hear it in his deep, nasally breathing patterns. Not only is he angry, but his insult game is on point. He basically describes Four Pins without even really realizing it. I really hope he's a reader because the term "swag idiot" was tailor-made for us.
All of this withstanding, the undue hate toward the fedora is usually deserved hate toward the trilby. With it's super short and upturned back end brim, the trilby is what we all really fucking hate. In fact, our friend skunkpaste here is wearing a trilby in his very own pro-fedora rant. But semantics arguments are stupid and even though this video was posted three months ago, it's only recently exploded onto our radar.
However, with a scant two clicks of cursory journalistic research, we can see that this beautifully crafted YouTube response video is just another one of skunkpaste's twisted, genius, hilarious online escapades. In previous videos he shows us what typing sounds like on his new keyboard and TAKES A BREAK TO EAT BROCCOLI, or, say, how to feed squirrels with squashed up pizza. What you see before you is just a small sampling. Either way, skunkpaste is a fucking legend.