I want to look like a sassy bitch 24/7, but I also don't want to waste valuable kinetic energy by scrunching up my face muscles for a prolonged period of time. Life is a fucking struggle, man. '’m not worrying though, dawgies, 'cause Thom Browne has me covered.

These $650 shades will probably be the single best purchase you'll ever make. Why? Walk with me: It's a hot summer's even in NYC. You're on the subway home, but it's starting to get busy. That mandatory one seat buffer between passengers is slowly but surely dissipating, meaning you might be forced to sit next to somebody poor. These glasses just straight up fucking ooze sass. Nobody earning less than 35k a year would dare rest their swagless pantaloons next to you. Have fun avoiding human contact.

Moksha August is a serial Four Pins commenter turned writer. I guess you could say that he started from the bottom. Haha, that's the spot. You can follow him on Twitter here.