The first time I saw some tits was in Ocean City, Maryland. It was 1988, I was wearing navy Umbro shorts, holding a boogie board and watching a girl (appox. age 20) swim in the moderate swell. She dove through a wave, emerged missing her bikini top and my life has been better ever since.

I probably would have had a better look if some Southern bros hadn't rolled up and said some really sleazy shit. The girl covered up fast and took off. I wished she'd viewed me as a savior in the situation (however, being an 8-year-old in everyman nylon that was simply a delusional dream). The cool thing about it all was that later in the day I went to an outlet mall and witnessed the curtain of a dressing room fall to the floor (totally accidental, promise) and got to see my second pair of tits.

What I'm getting at is this: Summer is an awesome time for preteens and it's also really important to have cool shorts at the beach.