10 Reasons Summer Style Is the Worst

Image via Complex Original

Summer style is simple, which is great for those who opt for a more easy-breezy steez, but it also means that only a fraction of what you own can be worn for the next few months. All the dope outerwear and layering pieces that put in work during the three other seasons are relegated to the back of the closet, where they gather dust and hopefully don't get chewed up by moths. 

Time to tuck your all-black-everything alphets into the closet until say, mid-September, unless you want to make the sun's effortless job of frying you that much easier. Wearing black while out and about is akin to holding a magnifying glass over an ant. Any item that's even sort of dark should just be avoided at all costs by sane human beings. And since we're probably not going to take our own advice, best to just plead temporary insanity in advance here.

No matter how light you dress or how much antiperspirant you loaded up on, there is one universal truth: when you're on the block during a hot 90-something July day...You. Will Sweat. And you'll feel gross, look gross, and probably run through two T-shirts a day while you're doing your best to make it through the day looking presentable. Game over.

Look, we're not going to label you a weirdo if your shorts stop above the knee. But if your joints are barely longer than a pair of boxers, we have to blow the whistle because you're going too short. Whether you have chicken legs or you've been finessing your quads in the gym all winter, no one wants to see that man-thigh walking down the street.

Even if you're blessed with a work environment that doesn't chain you to a super-casual dress code, if you're a halfway social human-being, you'll probably have to suit up a few times during the season. Weddings, formal events, or maybe your clique in general just randomly decides everyone's going to stay suited 24/7 until y'all decide otherwise (Rosewoooooood!). Sometimes there'll be opportunities to go with the less heavy linen look or you may be compelled to pull a Pharrell-risk and floss in some suit shorts. But when you have to go full blazer-button-up-pants (or, God forbid, three-piece) you're basically dressing up in a well-tailored oven.

Granted, this isn't exclusive to summer but 'tis the season when it's most prevalent. There's a 1% margin of guys who can pull off the head-to-toe steez, the other 99% of you just look excessively corny.

We're not talking about dudes jogging in suffocating heat committed to working on their fitness. But that guy who says fuck an upper body layer of clothing just because they either can't stand the heat or low highkey just want to show off their pecs. Whether you're ripped or um, a guy who has no business taking his shirt off, we would all just prefer you keep it on and deal with the weather like civilized human beings. Otherwise, we're no different than the animals, b.

At some point, whether you're just chillin' at the pool, take an island vacay, or want to hop on the style risk more and more dudes are attempting, you're going to wear sandals this summer. And what that means is those disgusting dogs you've been stomping around on all year are going to bare their hideous selves to the world. Unless you want to look like a swagless 48-year-old German tourist, there's no chance you can cover up with socks. You just gotta grin and bear it and hope all the girls you're chatting to maintain eye contact and don't look down.

T-shirt, shorts, shades. Maybe a button-up instead. In the sweltering heat, there's really no room for variety and the lack of options can make men's style seem very banal. There's only but so much you can do to switch it up, and chances are you'll look damn near identical to ten other guys on the street no matter how hard you try.

This is the unspoken true struggle of summer. When it's sweltering this season and you're spending all day out and about, the nether regions are what get the most heated and the most disgusting. And besides tromping around nude (which, just don't), you're shit out of luck this summer when it comes to avoiding the season's most feared bodily assault.