What would cause America's greatest contribution to the world of fashion, Ralph Lauren, to be in the swagless epicenter that is Washington, D.C.? Only when he's getting laced with awards by Hilary Clinton and the Smithsonian for being such a god for over five decades, DUH. See, Lauren was just awarded the James Smithson Bicentennial Medal for "his embodiment of the American experience through fashion, design and philanthropy; for supporting artistry, creativity, innovation and entrepreneurship...and for redefining for national and international audiences a style that embodies the American spirit." Well, like, yeah. But also 'cause the dude has crazy long money and what could possible be more American than that? To be honest, we should just elect Ralph as our next president. You heard it here first, people: LAUREN 2016: IT IS RALPH THO. At least then everyone in Congress might be forced to rock Black and/or Purple Label suits. Sure, not a single thing will end up getting done, but at least they'll look good politically cockblocking the shit out of each other as per usual. Then, and only then, can our nation even begin the long journey returning to its former glory.
