10 Things to Buy for Your Dad for Father's Day Based on His Past (and Present) Vices

Before you ruined his life, your dad was a pretty cool guy who did cool guy things. Buy him the presents he would've wanted.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Before you came along and took your dad's swag from 100 to a flat zero, he was probably a pretty cool guy. He probably stayed out late, bagged up quite a few women besides your moms, and enjoyed all the pleasures that life affords a young man. Then you slithered out and life became completely about you. Dude had to give up all his hobbies and sins to feed, clothe, and shelter you.

In return, the least you can do is get him a dope gift that takes him back to the good ol' days (that is, if he truly did give up his personal vices). This year, give your dad something that he actually wants and can use. These are 10 Things to Buy for Your Dad for Father's Day Based on His Past (and Present) Vices.

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For the dad who was cokeboy before that trend existed on Tumblr.

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For the dad who can't control his sweet tooth.

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For the dad who blew your college savings on his gambling habit.

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For the dad who stole your weed.

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For the dad who still thinks he can trick his wife into thinking he quit smoking.

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For the dad who missed your baseball games because the fish were biting.

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For the dad who wasn't allowed to drive you around as a child in his souped-up street-illegal whip.

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For the dad who put in the work that finding porn on TV used to require.

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For the dad who can still beat you in a beer funnel race.

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For the dad who secretly worships Satan.

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