The Four Pins Guide To Turning Down

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Lately, everyone seems to be hell bent on getting "TURNT" (See also: up, turnt; turnip; up, turn). But, is it really all that it's made out to be? Is feeling like imminent death an ideal way to spend your Saturday morning/afternoon/evening? Has looking at your text messages from the previous night become a painfully shameful thing to do? Does spending a gratuitous amount of your hard-earned money on low-grade poison the best way to socialize with your friends?

Sometimes, you just need some "me time": an evening free of well whiskey shots and prescription stimulants. You may just need to ask yourself, "Turn up for what?" Here are a handful of helpful suggestions to support your rejection of "wanting to get weird" queries.

Nickolaus Sugai is staying in tonight. Follow him on Twitter here.

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Play Sports Video Games

Your team is cursed. They haven't won a title in xx(x) years. There's nothing more heartbreaking than bitter sports defeat. Expectations are raw, homie. But, so is Gregg Popovich. While your coach is managing his roster through conventional means, Tywin Popovich is grooming a Romanian bar back to come in and wet 3-pointers Darron Aronofsky semi-biblical flood style. So, get used to living vicariously through your NBA 2K14 with the Golden State Warriors because the San Antonio Spurs are crushing any hope of a Bae Area #TurnUp for the next 4,000 years, which is coincidentally when Tim Duncan will finally retire.

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Steal HBO

Two ways you know you've made it: One, when you can afford Patagonia outdoor camping equipment and two, when you can actually pay for your own HBO subscription. In the meantime, continue stealing that HBO Go password from your former roommate's ex-boyfriend's parents. A proper evening of turning down is easily achieved when you're running an Entourage marathon session.

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Light Some Candles

Getting that first promotion from Junior Strug Squire is tough. You put in the hours, hope your boss notices the "extra mile" and send HR a weekly email that you're overdue for your annual review. Six months later, you finally get it, even though the intern who started after you got it as well. You want to celebrate, but no one makes it past happy hour, so you go home and light a sandalwood artisanal candle that can be converted into a whiskey glass once the wax is burnt through. Nothing says turnt way down like an evening of Diptyque and House of Cards

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Actually Cry

Suggestions of things to watch/listen/do that will make you cry, therefore helping facilitate dat next level turn down:

1. "Graduation" by Vitamin C.

2. Kevin Durant's MVP speech.

3. When Forrest Gump asks Jenny, "Is he like me?"

4. The end of Cool Runnings,

5. The many different versions of "Hallelujah," but mostly just Jeff Buckley's.

6. Talking to Oprah about your viral music video.

7. Being Luis Suarez.

8. Being an actual infant with no communication skills to verbalize your physical needs.

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