The Dying Wishes of a Stereotypical Hypebeast

The last will and testament of a thirst buyer from his (or her!) deathbed.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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By now we know the characteristics that define the archetypal "hypebeast." But in their never-ending, time-consuming quest to stay up on all trends, acquire all cops, and emulate Kanye at all costs, a hypebeast has little time to ever confront their mortality in the ceaseless journey for rare jawnz.

Fair hypebeast, it's a perplexing reality that we too often shun, but your life too, will one day come to an end. In order to prepare for this inevitable day, it's important to recognize the priorities and affairs that must be settled as one heads into the Great Beyond. One day, you too will be laying on your deathbed, doling out instructions to your fellow 'beast for him to write down (on Supreme stationary, obviously). These are The Dying Wishes of a Stereotypical Hypebeast, while hype springs eternal, all beasts must one day perish.

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"Sign for my last three 'signature required' eBay deliveries."

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"Save a spot in line in my honor for at least the next five releases."

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"Hire Been Trill to DJ my wake."

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"Make sure to enforce the funeral dress code."

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"Put a hashtag on the headstone, bruh."

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"Bury me in my natural state: Sitting in my lawn chair waiting on line for something wildly expensive."

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"Put a portable Wi-Fi router in my coffin in case there's no Internetz in heaven."

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"I bequeath to my closest homie the codes to my insta-cop bots."

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"Please make sure to regularly adorn the gravesite with Supreme accessories."

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"Sell my entire wardrobe and cop yourself a pair of Red Octobers, fam."

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