10 Things You Did at the Mall That Pissed Off Everyone Else

Image via Complex Original

Who you pissed off: Your hyperventilating, worst-nightmare imagining parents

Back when playgrounds were more your scene, tagging along with your parents to department stores and the like was the time-out circle of hell. Maybe you and your siblings dipped off when Mom and Dad weren't looking to spice things up with some hide and seek amidst those billowing circular racks of clothes and empty dressing rooms. Which was no doubt very fun, but meanwhile your parents are freaking out that they just paid the price for two seconds of negligence and now these days motherfuckers are leashing their kids up. Look at the tragedy we started, fam.

Who you pissed off: Parents; friends; store attendant; security guards watching the monitors; mid-mall panhandlers who already tried to gas you

Are you going to buy it or not, breh?! This one goes out to all you indecisive, over-thinking fuck nuggets who saw something fire in the first store you guys walked in, but decided against blowing the stacks. Then, when the squad's walked like a mile further into the labyrinth suddenly the tune's changed to "Hmm, maybe I should go back" right as you get to the food court...

Who You Pissed Off: Your boys, of course

You're a guy on a casual trip to the mall—like, why do you even need to exercise your right to try clothes on before you purchase anyway, bro? Either it fits or it doesn't. And what's worse, you had the homies looking like a group of dragged-along dejected boyfriends while they waited on the (admittedly comfy) store couches for your fashionisto ass to try on like two pairs of $20 jeans, taking at least 15 minutes on each. SMH.

Who you pissed off: Your friend with longer bread than you

So, one of your friends actually came to spend and standing around watching him blow money is getting progressively less fun. But really, why'd you come along anyway then? If your dude is trying to pop tags with some hard earned cash or the birthday come-up, that's his prerogative. Don't be that hating-ass walnut who's all like, "You can get the same shirt for half that at Urban." Can't we all just flourish along together?

Who You Pissed Off: Your sense-of-decency-having friends

Because if you were that high school douche who thought it'd be ironic and super funny to faux-earnestly wait in line for Santa and ask him for Mary in 2nd period chem, good lord you suck.

Who you pissed off: Your friends; snooty store attendants

You're halfway through high school, clearly at the mall for lack of a better way to spend your afternoon, and obviously have a double digit figure of dollars to your name. And yet, there's still that one friend who insists on stopping in the likes of Neiman Marcus or *insert notoriously expensive department store that holds zero chance of containing a viable purchase.* At best, you're making mental notes of what to cop after that next lawn-mowing lick comes in. At worst you're getting blatant side-eye from hovering-ass store attendants and eventually asked to leave.

Who you pissed off: Yourself, for going along with this bullshit

No couch is too comfortable, no phone battery ever-lasting. The boredom sets in and you're not even sure if it will all be worth it by the end of the night. Le struggle. But be honest, despite all this alpha-male posturing, you took the same amount of time on a dudes' trip the day before.

Who you pissed off: The homies who wanted to look cool and be bored together

Every crew had that one asshole that just up and went on some "quick" mystery errand that he didn't need anyone to accompany him on. Where did dude dip for like an hour? A secret dalliance with the older woman working the Lord & Taylor floor or nah?

Who you pissed off: Your boys

Shopping for the women in your life is a natural errand and all, but do that shit on your own time. Forcing four other guys to lamp around Ann Taylor or Forever 21 instead of scarfing down Panda Express is how you get yourself off the "wanna hit the mall or whatever" group text next time around.

Who you pissed off: Your future self; food court workers; everyone around you

It's scientific fact: teenagers are self-centered buttholes who don't think about how their actions affect others. Remember when you used to just dump out Popeye's honey mustard packets for no reason other than to spell out "PENIS" on the table? Not even on the tray, fam. On the table.

Meanwhile, the people around you are grossed out as you and your virgin friends talk the finer points of deploying "the Shocker," and you just made a child ask her mom, "What's a slut-bomb?" Then you'd just leave the gross wrappers and half-eaten food there for other people to clean up because you and your friends had chodes for souls. Thank god you've grown beyond that, right? Right?!