You gotta love The Wall Street Journal and its fashion-related articles. They're always linking style and modes of dress with first impressions, social cache and how it can help you get ahead in business. If that were really the case, I'd be a fucking mogul by now. That being said, according to a recent Harvard Business School study, non-conformist individuals who stick out from the pack in "distinct ways can lend [themselves] an air of presence or influence."

DUH, HARVARD. HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MUCH FREE SHIT #INFLUENCERS GET? DO YOU NOT HAVE AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT OR SOMETHING? I just think it's hilarious that the Harvard Business School is advocating peacocking. According to this study, students afforded more respect to a fictitious professor that had a beard and wore a T-shirt and sneakers to class, than a clean shaven professor wearing a tie. WHAT THE FUCK, STUDENTS? NO WONDER OUR ECONOMY WILL NEVER RECOVER. YOU THINK A DUDE WEARING A "COOL STORY BRO" T-SHIRT IS MORE RESPECTABLE THAN A GUY WEARING A TWEED JACKET AND TIE? DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH TUITION COSTS YOUR PARENTS?

As with any study, there's a catch: If you're just an accidental nonconformist, then no one will respect you. See, it has to be purposefully nonconforming behavior. I'm not sure how passive observers are supposed to make this distinction though. I mean, when I used to work in an office, there was this guy that always wore "crazy" ties. Like, he had piano keys, or neckwear in the shape of a fish, or whatever. No one else in the office even wore regular ties to begin with. I have to assume that this dude was most definitely wearing gimmicky ties on purpose. I bet you homie is now the CEO, making everyone feel some type of way. Next time you see me, I'll be rocking red sneakers, a floor-length cape and the rarest of hemlines. MAGAZINES AND DIGITAL PUBLICATIONS, KEEP AN EYE OUT. I'M GONNA THRIVE MY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP OF THE MASTHEAD.