14 Stupid Normcore Alternatives That Are Somehow Better Than the Original

You know who's been rocking the black and white colorscheme that's so hot right now in streetwear? Latter Day Saints, motherfucka, that's who. Mormcore is all about pursuing the path laid out by the LDS church as well as acknowledging that you are one of 15 million Mormons worldwide, and dressing like the "bland, uniform mass" that is taking over business, government, and various other industries and UOENO it.

If Jerry Seinfeld is being heralded as a forefather of normcore, then Bjorn Borg is the grand-lord-father. Of course, we can only fully appreciate this as we look back on thousand dollar machines, but don't act like this look is out-of-place on a downtown cool kid dropping into some outsider art gallery while primal witch house ripped through the speakers and drugs we've never heard of are consumed. Soooo Bjorncore.

If normcore is all about removing yourself from the progressive and becoming part of a homogeneous pudding, then why not go even further and dive head-first into conformcore? Look like everyone else, speak like everyone else, and accept hegemony from your swag- and over-lords with no complaint. It goes down easier that way.

As humans, very rarely are we in harmony with nature. Instead, it seems that our species is constantly fighting against or destroying it. Stormcore embraces the notion that we're powerless in the face of Mother Nature, and the more we piss her off the more she's going to come at us with full wrath. Stormcore abandons all notions of fashion as form and instead only incorporates stuff that is purely functional and utilitarian. It might not look stylish, but if it gets the job done then it's stormcore.

A lot of normcore is informed by nostalgic '90s style and aesthetics that occurred before normcorists become adults with adult responsibilities. Why not go even further back when wiping your butt wasn't even on your daily to-do list? Back when bubble baths were a nightly adventure, it was possible to make entire outfits out of the foam. Just don't indulge in foamcore on a windy day.

There isn't a single person who has pulled off a good-looking prom photo that can look back at it decades later with pride. Everyone falls into the shame category, and by rocking full prom-like formals at all ages, you transport yourself and your fellow formcore heads back to simpler times when things like standing out and being an individual meant atomic wedgies and swirlies. 

Man, normcore enthusiasts have got it all figured out. Instead of focusing on one passion, why not just turn yourself into a blank slate so you can pursue whatever catches your fancy at any given moment? Much like how any shiny toy can grab a baby's attention for at least a few minutes, followers of borncore know that taking it way, way back will truly give you a carte blanche. From a literal fetal position, any pursuit is a possibility, and full-grown men who dress as babies truly know what's up.

Going normcore means indulging in an affected blandness. To extend normcore into your daily habits, try going hormcore, where all you eat thrice a day is a big steaming bowl of Hormel's chili. It might make your meals ordinary, but your bowel movements will be anything but.

Stop pretending you're not a lurking creepoid who will say and do anything for that ill na na. Embrace your inner smarmcore and lay the greasiness on thick for a life full of white lies, indoor sunglasses, and polyester shirts. Because if all these normcore kids were partially balding, they'd definitely nail the smarmcore aesthetic.

A lot of how one feels is due to being conditioned in a certain environment. Nature vs. nurture, if you will. Warmcore recognizes that a lot of what we physically feel is entirely mental, and lets you forgo the conditioning that ensnares you in sleeves and pants. Think warm thoughts, and you escape the societal training that tells you snow is cold, ice is freezing, and that you need to cover up your body. 

Dormcore is so sick, bro. Every pair of your cargo shorts are saturated with beer, so if the keg ever runs dry you can just wring them out over a Solo cup and rage on. All you need to enjoy dormcore is half a semester's worth of raggedy tees, which you can bring home for mid-term break for your mom to wash, and a single pair of solid shower sliders. It's all about consistency, bruh bruh.

No one has more swagger than Earthworm Jim. Even though he was born a swag- and spineless invertebrate, he took it upon himself to recreate the image that he presented to the world, thanks to the dope robotic suit that, in wormcore, acts as the metaphorical mask that we all present to the world as the image we want to project. The only difference is, wormcore folks embrace the mask, unlike that wormcore-hater Jim Carrey.

He may be simple, but look at Hodor right now. He has the post-apocalyptic warzone-chic look that's dominating the more progressive cultural areas of Paris, London, and Tokyo down perfectly. Going Hodorcore means you have to give up literacy and your intellect, but in this cold world, what value can you put on anything beyond the simple happiness that the Hodors of the world feel? Hodorcore is about retreating from the demands and complexities of life, and just embracing your inner dopeness. Strong.