Valentine's Day is the time of year when nearly everyone either gets real lovey-dovey or tries to kick up the freakness levels to 11. Well, besides the usual advice we give about classing it up for that impossible dinner reservation you were able to snag, or keeping it cozy while you cruise Tinder alone at home, we decided to dive face-first into some wearable gear that's should supposedly get a couple's inner freak-a-leak going.
Ten members of the Complex staff gathered to try a bunch of edible underwear. The short version of our conclusion is: Don't buy edible underwear. Not only does the stuff generally taste terrible, but there's also no way that wearing a boxy, plastic-y thing that resembles a diaper is ever going to get things going in the bedroom. But it was worth a shot. If you've ever been curious or are maybe looking for a last-minute Valentine's Day gift for someone you love and/or hate, then check out Love Bites: Complex Staff Members Taste Test Edible Underwear.
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Three-Piece Set of Edible Pink Champagne Underwear
Tasted by Ross Scarano, Deputy Editor
"I'm really unhappy."
"It tastes like garbage."
"Would this make a good Valentine's Day gift? Not for somebody you love."
"The texture is so foul that it's hard to taste what it's supposed to taste like."
"It's got a dusty quality. You can taste the dust and it gets stuck to your teeth."
Chocolate Strawberry Thong
Tasted by Tony Markovich, Rides Editor
"I feel like I’m about to eat a plastic bag."
"I don’t want to bite through it."
"You have to go buy me a toothbrush."
"I don’t want to open my mouth."
"Doesn’t taste anything like chocolate or strawberry. I can’t look at you guys right now."
"It really tastes like the crest white strips like with way too much goo in them or something."
Pink Champagne Underwear & Chocolate and Strawberry Thong Combination
Tasted by Chris Schonberger, First We Feast Editor-in-Chief
"The fucked up thing is you expect it to be a Fruit Roll-Up or something, but it's this terrible plastic."
"It tastes like if you brought food for lunch in a plastic bag, and you emptied out the food and just sort of gnawed on the inside of the bag that's been in contact with the food."
"The notion of getting edible underwear that already looks like feces is totally insane."
"Tastes like mud. God."
Edible Crotchless Strawberry Gummy Panties
Tasted by Shanté Cosme, Deputy Editor
"Tastes pretty good. I like it. It tastes really good."
"My expectations were very low, but I would eat this off someone."
"I would definitely eat it if it wasn't attached to someone, like as a snack."
"I'm a little bit put off by the fact that the maker of this is called Pipedream."
Three-Piece Set of Edible Pink Champagne Underwear
Tasted by Julian Patterson, Community Manager
"Do I have to eat the whole thing?"
"It kinda looks like a neon dental dam."
"I honestly feel like I'm being tricked."
"Awful. It just tastes like plastic."
Edible Crotchless Green Apple Gummy Panties
Tasted by Matthew Henson, Fashion Editor
"It's incredibly tough."
"It tastes like a apple martini."
"Or maybe like a sour apple Mike's Hard Lemonade."
French Vanilla Candy Pants
Tasted by Tara Aquino, Pop Culture Editor
"This was the wrong choice. It looks like something you'd find at a hospital."
"This is what you eat?"
"It's getting stuck to my face."
"I feel like I ate a balloon."
"It has flavor for two seconds and then it tastes like rubber."
"If you want to ruin a relationship, then yes, this is a good gift for Valentine's Day."
Edible Crotchless Strawberry Gummy Panties
Tasted by Karizza Sanchez, Editorial Assistant
"This is really hard."
"No, no the lace is not edible."
"It's not bad. It's kind of hard to chew."
"Definitely tastes like strawberry but it tastes like plastic strawberry. It tastes like packaging, not like candy."
Cherries Jubilee Edible Bra and Panty Set
Jon Moy, Four Pins Contributor
"This is a bra?"
"You would think it would be a different color if it was Cherries Jubilee flavor, but I guess I don't know what color Jubilee is."
"The creep factor is real high on this."
"Oh. You're supposed to eat this off of someone?"
"Oh man the after taste is horrible!"
"I would not recommend that one."
Banana and Cream Candy Pants
Tasted by Hanuman Welch, Video Games Editor
"I think this is as peeled as it gets."
"[Makes unintelligible noises]"
"I wouldn't use the word good, but it tastes like Nilla Wafers crossed with suntan lotion."
"Yo, the skin on my hands has been dyed yellow."
