Sure, 2014 is half a month old and you’ve probably moved on from 2013 already. But I’m not done with 2013 yet! We may have discovered 40 billion habitable planets in our galaxy with possible signs of life last year, greatly upping the chances that I won’t die alone, but there is still so much we don’t know. For example, does Justin Bieber know what pants are supposed to look like? Does Miley Cyrus know what shirts are supposed to look like? Who gives a shit? See what I mean? Not so fast, 2013! I have some more lingering questions for you.
Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.