As seen on: Clowns who bring a roasted kale and sweet potato quinoa dish to a Super Bowl party; guys who Google whether or not a meal is "Paleo" before eating; that couple that does a synchronized ab workout on neighboring Bosu balls at the gym

This is the dude who is so brazenly cavalier that he does box jumps on a bus stop bench at 6 a.m. like a Nespresso-dependent Jack Lalanne. There's nothing wrong with throwing your day in a chokehold and eating mixed greens, but it takes a special kind of energy to overcompensate like the Lululemon guy. Based god help you if you're at a party and this fellow corners you with a cost-benefit analysis of heavy resistance bands versus free weights.