How To Dress To Get Laid On Thanksgiving Eve for Incredibly Cheap

Image via Complex Original

Safe sex is the only way to do it. These Magnums are big enough to protect your whole body from various hometown skeezoids.

Buy It Now at Drug Store, $20

Class, elegance, panache. Look like a man of the world in something people in a certain part of the country refer to as suit separates. Since you're partying hard tonight, think of this cheap-ass suit as a disposable.

Buy It Now a Kohls, $40-70

Throw on some construction boots for good measure. You'll look like a hard worker, and they will make your feet look bigger. 

Buy It Now at Target, $35

When all else fails, fake an injury. Have you ever heard anyone complain about pity pussy?

Buy It Now at Walgreens, $22

The emphasis is on clean underwear because you want to trick her into thinking you bathe everyday.

Buy It Now at Hanes, $28

Send a not-so-subtle hint that you know how to diversify your wealth. Just make sure she doesn't catch you sneaking a flask into the bar because you're broke.

Buy It Now at Bank of America, $4

It landed Scott Dissick a Kardashian, why wouldn't it work for you?

Buy It Now at KMart, $30

Nothing says affluence, success, and money quite like a tie. Let all of those slackers you went to high school with know you've made it with one of these. Plus if you get lucky later, she can use it to tie you up...and unfortunately steal your wallet. 

Buy It Now at JCP, $17

Pheromones are known to trigger the pleasure centers of the opposite sex, so make sure you're wearing a fragrance that separates youself from the pack of other suitors.

Buy It Now at Soap, $54

Girls love a guy who can laugh at himself, and there is nothing more laughable than this ugly sweater. 

Buy It Now at Sears, $25