You know that one annoying couple you’re friends with that do weird shit like have dinner parties? And instead of doing all the planning and prep on their own like real hosts, they always make their guests participate way more than they should? Like, they have everyone bring the food or insisting on dressing up according to some stupid fucking theme? I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. THE BAREFOOT CONTESSA WOULDN’T MAKE ME WEAR AN UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER JUST SO I CAN DRINK SOME GROSS FUCKING EGGNOG AND SMOKE WEED IN YOUR SPARE BEDROOM WHILE EVERYONE ELSE PLAYS SOME STUPID PARTY GAME. Anyways, these Smiths sweaters made me think of ugly holiday sweater parties, of which I’m sure you’ve gotten at least one invite to on Facebook. Instead of buying an ugly holiday sweater, just show up in one of these. Moz would be so proud of you. Plus, that girl you think is cool, but is actually really lame and only seems cool because she likes a few cool bands like The Smiths and probably, like, Portishead or something, will chat you up and maybe you'll get the opportunity to cheat on your girlfriend.