Herez weez goez. When it comes to cool guys who dress like total shit, I’ve got a chip on my shoulder so big it didn’t let me grow past 5’10. But I'm not bitter! Because now I get to talk about them on this website which makes me cooler than any of them—as evidenced by the last Tinder date I went on when this bia asked about my day job and I started telling her and right before she fell asleep I was like oh AND I write for THEE PINZ, at which point we took that Outback Steakhouse to go (told 'em, "Don’t even plate it.") Heavy lies the crown and whatnot. Yadda, yadda. Leggo my eggos. Let's send 'em up while taking 'em down.

Rick Morrison is a writer living in North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter here.