My life could not be even remotely sadder so this week I’m gonna write about two people who’ve done nothing interesting except emerge from multi-million dollar lady flowers. Everything that follows will absolutely, 100% happen. My crystal ball that is also Perez Hilton’s seventh horcrux revealed it to me. So strap in and get ready to see how the entirety of Blue Ivy and North West’s friendship will play out so you never, ever have to think about them again.

Rick Morrison is a writer living in North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter here.