About 34 minutes ago I get an email from my editor about Nicki Minaj’s preview of her eponymous clothing collection for Kmart. I know how Four Pins works, so I had to whip this shit up with the quickness. It’s like that time Pharrell threatened Pusha that he’d give the “Grindin” beat to Jay Z if he didn’t come to the studio right away. YOU BEST BELIEVE WOOLF AIN’T COVERING THE BEST CELEBRITY COLLECTION FOR A HUGE RETAILER I’VE SEEN IN A MINUTE. Take it easy Philip Lim, I don’t see any asstastic friendly jumpsuits in your collection, bro. The Olsen twins ain’t got shit on Roman Zolanski.

I’m not an expert, but the dresses don’t seem all that unique or special, but the jumpsuits—THE JUMPSUITS—I’m down with. I GET IT, I GET IT. Don’t think your girl can pull off a Gucci-inspired spandex looking jumpsuit? YOU NEED TO GET A NEW BOO, MY DUDE. Or, you know, you can get her the galaxy print dress. Girls love short galaxy print dresses. If your girl can fill this stuff out like Nicki, she’s most definitely cooler than you and you’re probably extra-insecure about her minor obsession with dudes in bucket hats, but you act cool and nonchalant about it because she’s not down with frail, jealous dudes.

The only thing I wish this collection had that it does not is a jersey dress. I knew a girl that wore an Allen Iverson jersey dress and it was a thing of perfection. All dudes remember girls they’ve seen wearing jersey dresses. THAT'S SCIENTIFIC FACT.