Who is John Undercover? I DUNNO, HE’S UNDERCOVER. Sorry for that one, guys. This shit gets harder and harder every day. I gotta compete with Woolf to find cool shit that’s for sale. I got Nick Grant talking shit about how my beard smells. I just learned about Chartbeat, like, two weeks ago. Schlossman is always emailing me with subjects like: “Hits, degenerate?” and when I don’t respond in a timely manner I know he turns to his left and is like, “Woolf, email Moy. That dickbag is past deadline AGAIN.” I even broke my glasses the other day and I have this bulging disc in my back. I just hit you with my long list of grievances to let you know I want these slip-ons from Jun Takahashi’s sub-label. I really wanted the mismatched EG Vans, but I suffer from microinfluence so I’ll just settle for these fleece lined joints because they would be so fucking cozy this fall. OH, YOU DON'T "SETTLE" on $636 SNEAKERS?