Take A Tour Of Thom Browne's Apartment

Image via Complex Original

First off, there’s no way I’d want to take a tour while Thom is home. I’m way too fat for Thom’s aesthetic and I wouldn’t want to see him awkwardly struggle for an excuse as to why I look like a gray seal with too short pants when I play dress up. If anything, we’d fill the awkward silence by smoking cigarettes and hanging over the side of his luxe terrace, ashing on the Greenwich Village peasants below.

Can you guys imagine lounging in a living room like this? I don’t know about you, but my living room is decidedly more lived in. However, I’m not mad at how clean and organized and, well, "designed" it is. I’m just imagining me and Thom (after I dropped a few lbs.) rolling blunts on that fancy ass coffee table. Unlike Rick, I know that Thom doesn’t have cookies stashed in mini-refrigerators throughout the house, so I’d bring obviously my own Lunchables.

Yo, I don’t know how, but it must be that when you become a successful designer, you develop an eye for random shit like lacquer screens from the ‘60s. Also, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TV, THOM? WE CAN ONLY TALK ABOUT GAMME BLEU FOR SO LONG. BREAKING BAD COMES BACK SOON.

Thom Browne has a legit alcove in his apartment. Me? I'm lucky to have a functioning toilet.

Wait. Wait. Wait. This has got to be the guestroom right? DOES THOM BROWNE ACTUALLY SLEEP IN A TWIN SIZE BED? Is asceticism becoming cool again? Honestly, I don’t know if you can ever really trust a man that owns a twin bed. I was going to make a joke about how when you lay down in the bed it’s actually too short and your feet hang over the edge and when you mention it Thom is all like, “Well, it’s tailored,” but that would be too easy. Ah, fuck it. THOM BROWNE’S BED, JUST LIKE ONE OF HIS SUITS, IS TOO SMALL FOR YOU. Talk about commitment.

When it's all said and done, this is a guy who basically changed men's fashion forever and displays one of his CFDA awards in his bathroom because you can shit in Thom Browne's apartment, but you'll never be Thom Browne.