Team: Detroit Lions
Dresses like: A bro with a TJ Maxx black card
It’s a good thing Matthew Stafford cashed a $27M signing bonus, otherwise this guy would go broke buying Warped Tour tickets. You know the NFL has a major head injury problem when its millionaire athletes are rocking oversized TJ Maxx button-ups exclusively. The only thing working for the Lions quarterback is playing in Detroit, a city that takes its style cues from Gathering of the Juggalos and Kid Rock videos. By the standards of that browbeaten hellhole, Stafford is a prince.