Team: Dallas Cowboys
Dresses like: A guy who carries of flask of liquid GHB on his person
Kyle Orton grew up in Iowa and went to school at Purdue, so we should probably cut his complete lack of crispiness some slack. With that kind of up-bringing, his style icons were dropouts huffing gasoline in Altoona area Wal-Mart parking lots and graduate-level engineering students. Quite frankly, it’s a miracle that this guy doesn’t accessorize with a protractor or cider jug full of moonshine.