The Worst Lookbook Cliches Of All Time

Image via Complex Original

Some Stupid Fucking Name

The first thing you need for your lookbook is some vague, pretentious sounding title. It might be a lyric from an underground '80s punk band or maybe a line from an obscure Japanese poet. Whatever the source, the title must have no actual connection to your shitty pictures.

Suggestion: "I Feel Ashamed To See The Moon Because Why Not, Right?

Thick Babes

The most basic way to get young males stocked with parental suburban monies to look at your brand is to drape your garments over a thick, caramel-colored woman. This works best for streetwear brands because your regular cool guy fashions are probably too skinny to even fit on a real woman. This method, though, requires you to actually interact with attractive women, which is a Herculean challenge.

Badass Old Guys

Using old models was an innovation back in, like, '09 when Hickey did it, but the gimmick has been mostly beat to death by now, especially since you’re trying to sell clothes to the young go-hards of the world. Occasionally, when the oldness isn’t just for novelty, elder gents can lend a distinguished air to the looks. But viewers want to be able to identify with the fictional world of your shoot and old boners don’t work. I’m not tryna identify with non-functional boners.

Possible Innovation: Go reallllly old. Put your clothes on some poor decrepit fucks at the retirement home—dudes hooked up to oxygen tanks who don’t even know what’s going on. That's one thing nobody has done yet.

Solemn Boiz

If you’ve been tapped by some high-end Euro brand, consider this approach. It helps if you have friends who are unhealthily skinny, but have impeccable bone structure. Make sure your set includes a large sign reading: “No looking at the camera. No looking at anything. The world is too dismal to gaze upon without weeping. The night is dark and full of terrors.”

Bucket Hats

No matter the client, the mood of the styling, the particular menswear niche or the target audience, include bucket hats in your lookbook. Bucket hats are universal, by which I mean, they universally make whoever wears them look like a turd. They’re democratic in a terrible, ugly way, just like America.

Smokin'

It’s undeniable: For all the hazards, smoking looks so fucking cool. There’s no other reason to smoke a thing that doesn’t get you high and makes you smell bad than to look cool. James Dean looked really cool smoking, so you throw some cigs in your lookbook. Bam, insta-cool, just like that. Be wary however, staged smoking always looks corny. There’s no practical reason to be smoking during a photoshoot, so we all know it’s an illusion, man. But I know, I know, you wanted to have dudes smoking blunts in your shit but the white bread-ass client was not having it. That’s the breaks. Stick with cancer sticks so people know you’re reckless, but not a criminal.

Possible Innovation:Get those depressing people from the PSAs who smoke through holes in their necks to model for you.

Dudes Doing Activities They Don't Normally Do

You may want to include some activities, such as skateboarding, juggling a soccer ball, etc. in your lookbook, but your wiener models can’t do anything except lean up against brick walls and look forlorn. Make them try to be athletic anyway. We’ll all be able to tell the action was forced, but teenage girls will still reblog the hell out of that shit and they're arguably the biggest demographic you have to win over in the first place.

Animals

People like looking at pictures of animals more than photos of other humans in the same way that we tear up at the first sight of Sarah McLachlan, but ignore the rampant violence and genocide taking place every day. Throw several cute animals into your pics to ensure a lookbook gets views no matter how terrible the clothes, styling and photographer may be.

Dudes Walkin'

Whether through the city, along the beach or up a staircase, dudes walking is the go-to lookbook shot. It makes total sense too. Walking is when people are most likely to see you in clothes. Go all in and make your shoot only shots of people walking. I’m all for encouraging walking. We gotta promote healthy choices whenever possible.

Variations:Dudes walkin’ at night. Dudes walkin’ blurry (because they’re walkin’ so fast.)

Possible Innovation:Power walking (untapped niche), walking backwards.

Bros Just Hangin'

This isn’t work, it’s just the crew doing what they do—real shit, ya know? We’ll cruise to the bodega, maybe hit the burger joint and just chill. But hey, don’t get ketchup on the shorts, man, we gotta have the clothes back by five.

Bros Will Be Bros

We’re not boring, we don't ALWAYS chills, We’re jumping into pools and riding in shopping carts and enjoying the boundless energy of youth. We may even be doing something semi-dangerous under controlled supervision.

Super Minimalist And Abstract

You only turn in three images and two of them are of shadows on a wall and the third is a blurry shot of one garment draped over a cactus. Just say it’s a tightly edited narrative. This is a risky career move, but the type of client that greenlit it in the first place is probably too coked out to care. You may have a career as an "artist" just yet.

Gangsta's Paradise

One of the best ways to present a clothing line is by pretending to be hard because real ass gangstaz are all about photoshoots in the hood! Wear bandanas over your face so people think you don’t want the cops to know who you are. Nothing’s more G then spending your money on a line of tees with words like "TRAP" screen-printed across the back.

But, Yo, It's Actually A Video

Take any of the above concepts, but instead of letting people click through at their own pace, lingering on some images and skipping past others at their leisure, force them to sit through some contrived “narrative” set to fucking Grizzly Bear. Be sure to have lots of those shots where shit is out of focus, but then, magically, becomes in-focus. Have some dolly shots so it looks hella profess and include some close-up detail shots of, like, seams and guys rolling up their sleeves. Sickkkk.