Power couples are a counterfeit comfort blanket, lulling us into thinking relationships always result in a love-filled trust explosion. Bonnie and Clyde, Lady and the Tramp, JLo and Diddy: all sent to earth to make us believe humanity is doing just fine. They’re our Perestroika.

Since most of us fail miserably at cuffing proper soul mates, we live vicariously through power couples—their weddings, their babies, their DUI soundbites are our own weddings, babies and DUI soundbites. Without power couples, marriage would become less of an eternal buddy system and more of a multi-year lease.

But what about the greatest power couples that never were? Think of this as a theoretical gossip rag from a sommelier specializing in pairings, reminding us that people can be made for each other outside of eHarmony.

Rick Morrison is a writer living in North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter here.