Shurt Feelings: Vol. X

Image via Complex Original

Oh, cool...so your Persian uncle funded the start up money for your own streetwear lifestyle brand, but his only request was that he wanted to have just "a little creative input, bro". I'm sure that shit will all work out. He has good taste. How bad could his ideas really be?

It has become obvious that there must be some sort of demographic within the coveted demographic of 18-25 that wants 100% cotton based silk screened fellatio ambition-based graphics. Every week one of these "nopes" pops up in my list and every week I bop that shit back down like a Wack-A- Mole black belt. I wouldn't wear this, but I am sure Dylan here doesn't think twice before he throws on this glowing turd before he clocks in as assistant manager/keyholder at Journeys.

It's Daniel Brown. Loser Brigade. We get it, dawgie. You're bout that psychedelic life. Here's the thing though, I actually ate mescaline during my 1st period Algebra 2 class in high school. You just sort of made a playlist of acid rap and a hand numbered zine about it. Also, just as overall vibes are concerned, this dude looks like a guy that hands you flyers for events that you would be embarrassed to be tagged on Instagram at.

That's what's up! You guys scored that grant to make the worst raglan T-shirt design ever.

Congrats! That must have been a lot of paperwork.

You cannot be serious with that chest tramp stamp tagline, Bryce. It appears you're living just fine with that highly lavish nose ring you got and that real working man's hairdo. Just gonna toss this little hint-a-rino your way: Even if you're trying to reference Jigga's song with that line, it's still a question. Can I punctuate?

What is with these two word ampersand shits? You got: 4 different typefaces, Roman fucking numerals, and a Johnny Depp "I am in a legitimate band that is on stage because of its musical prowess and not because I have been in the highest grossing films in the last decade" looking ass modeling the shit. It's just too much. Look at how sensitive the band on that watch looks. It looks softer than two baby Bengal tigers lick-fighting each other.

This tie-dye shit is wild hectic. The only way it could be worse is if some idiot did an inverted typeface pyramid rap quote that…well, shit man, isn't this a little awkward. I didn't know you were standing right there.

L 'Art Brut translates to something along the lines of "epileptic seizure inducing date rapist". Also, my mans right here is the lead suspect in a pending case involving the disappearance of a framed photo of your chick and her friends by the pool taken at a house party you recently attended.

"Aye, bruh? Bruh, where you go, bruh? Ah bruh, I thought you fuh real ass vanished into thin air, bruh! Dats filthy how you matched da hat to the tee like dat. Dat's filthy right der doe."

The above message has been sponsored by Mother's Against Hypebeast.

I'm so fucking confused with this one. Are you saying that it's, in fact, actually more trill to use Promethazine in the recommended dosage? Only two tablespoons? I just don't see how you're gonna turn up with just two tablespoons. my guy. No wonder our dude looks like he's listening to "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" (Chopped Up, Not Slopped Up RMX).