Confession: I played lacrosse at a private school. I tried my best to be a dude-bro, but all the other dude-bros knew I wasn’t really a dude-bro. I had a lanyard. I had J.Crew Giant Khakis. I pretended that that acoustic album Dave Matthews did was fucking amazing. But, at the end of the day, I just was that guy on the lacrosse team that got in trouble for asking things like “Wait, how about instead of ball-down drills we just smoke some cigarettes?” I thought I blocked out my lax-bro past until I saw this nonnative key chain. You’re probably not a lax-bro, but I bet you’re a Japanese Jawn-bro. And every Japanese Jawn-bro needs a lanyard. That costs 75 Euros. Shout out to rappers who say their money looks like Fall leaves aka Euros.