Evidently, Drink Water is a Lifestyle Sports aka Action Sports aka Xtreme Sports company that does not endorse sugary drinks of any sorts. If you are even remotely around my age you know that in the late ‘90s/early 2000s, if you were anywhere near a vert ramp, a BMX bike or a snowboard, Mountain Dew was all up in your lifestyle. I MEAN, ALL ABOUT BEING XTREEEEME. I guess now it’s all about energy drinks like Monster. Whenever I watch a fucking X Games these days all the athletes drink, like, Monster or Rock Star or Red Bull. WHAT THE FUCK, GATORADE? DID YOU JUST DECIDE TO NOT TRY AND MARKET YOURSELF TO A WHOLE NEW GROUP OF ATHLETES? DID SOME GENIUS VP OF MARKETING NOT THINK THEY WOULD BE INTO THE DRINK MICHAEL JORDAN DRANK? Anyways, the dudes at Drink Water were all like, “Ewwww, energy drinks are gross. Let’s write ‘Drink Water’ on our snowboards.” And from there, like every other company in the world, Drink Water was born.

I think the idea is to demonstrate how all you really need is water at the end of the day and that snowboarders shouldn’t let mega-corporations trick them into drinking stuff that is bad for them. Oh yeah, like, 10% of profits are donated to some organization that drills wells for drinking water for poor people and shit. I get it, but I don’t get it. It seems a little too sanctimonious for me, like the kids that try to get you to stop swearing in elementary school. “Hey Jon, why not say ‘fug’ or 'fudge’ instead of the "F" word?” BECAUSE I WANT TO SAY "FUCK," RANDAL. I’M PRECISE WITH MY WORD CHOICE. One time in fourth grade this kid said, “We shouldn’t swear because it upsets our teachers and parents.” And I was like, “FUCK OUR PARENTS AND TEACHERS.” That dude ratted me out to the lunch moms and I got a pink slip. FUCK THAT DUDE FROM FOURTH GRADE. But really, you should drink more water.