*Gun shot* *gun shot* *Funkmaster Flex yelling "Ya nah mean?!" and other various rap soundboard samples* Grand Archduke Slanderson is back in here to deliver you some really real dad darts on the eve of what should be a month long celebration of Fatherdom, but instead is just one weak ass day where we get shitty macaroni letter cards, cardboard ties and all kinds of other shit that gets Frisbee'd into the trash with the quickness. Nah, nah, psych. I love all the handmade joints from the youths. I'd even argue that most of that stuff is better designed than 82% of the stuff featured on here. Not only are my wisdoms used for all kinds of life guides on lavish categories, but did you know your boy is also a prestigious father?

I own one children. His name is Yung Lenox. He's 6 and already outshining me in all areas of life. I ain't even gonna go into all that cause that's for another day, but my resume with kids makes me the most Clark Griswald out of anyone here at Four Pins, so I'm gonna rain a thunderstorm of knowledge drops on to your headpiece regarding some things dads like myself actually want for Father's Day.

If you are seeking a convenient list of 10 things that you can easily cop from the J.Crew at your nearest mall, this is not your jump off. I give four thousand negative shits about clothes and I will swiftly deliver the crazy disappointed Cliff Huxtable face if anyone steps to me with some bunk ass gifts on my day of Dadness. What we have here is a very considered list of both tangible and intangible gifts that your pops actually wants. Follow me.

Skip Class is a writer living in Seattle. See more of his work here and follow him on Twitter here.