How to Know When Your Terrible Style Needs an Update

Image via Complex Original

Your friends will always be there for you, except when it comes to documentation that they were actually there with you. If your homies are ducking out the way as soon as someone raises their camera, it's because they don't want to be seen with a lame. Ethically, it's better to get new friends, but it's probably easier to stock a new wardrobe.

Everybody these days fancies themselves an influencer, even though that label only applies to a select few. But the only thing worse than being a struggle influencer is having your words and thoughts followed by people who worship Faygo. If you're preaching to a crowd you would otherwise have nothing to do with, switch your shit up.

It's no secret—if you deserve to be shat on, we'll shit on you. You may have initially thought that getting streetstyled or modeling in your friend's lookbook was the best thing that ever happened to you. Actually, this means your image is now online forever, and shots can and will be fired if it's a wack look. Sorry, not sorry.

Not to make sweeping generalizations about wrestling fans, but if people assume you're headed to the nearest WWE extravaganza, it's high-time you go shopping. There's nothing wrong with enjoying low-brow stuff, but this is a pretty Jabroni-filled group to be automatically associated with. 

If the dude who literally sonned you is now figuratively sonning your style, it's time to update your whole shit. Fathers should support and advise, but if your steez is beyond repair and can only be laughed at, then your dad can't be faulted for not holding back any punches. Also, with the ubiquity of social media, chances are his mockery could go viral, in which case you're really fucked.

It's a time honored tradition and an unwritten rule—a girl who is kind enough to put up with your lackluster performance, disgusting home, and general odor during a one night stand has her pick of your shirts. But if she gives a grossed-out look for every option you present, your wardrobe needs refreshing. If not for you, at least do it for her.

Or maybe they call you the "Chris Kirkpatrick." Either way, you could be the most interesting guy in the crew but no one cares because you look like a dick. Fellow boyband member JT was able to undergo a miraculous metamorphosis; that means you should be able to, also.

If random, terribly-dressed strangers stop you on the street and tell you that you have "the Chad look" they need to complete their Nickelback tribute band, run home and start clicking away for some new gear. Once your style has reached appropriate levels of freshness, return to that stranger and steal his instruments so that the band never comes to fruition.

If scientists assume that you were frozen in time for 13 years based on your appearance and are banging on your door asking how you were able to do it and demanding you submit your body to science, then it's time for an update. And, if for nothing else, no one wants to be compared to Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. 

It's time you learn how to dress to impress.