100% cotton fleece shorts with a drawstring waist that is all high fashion and shifted to the side? MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED, B. Barena just murdered every pair of tiny fucking shorts you pretend to feel comfortable in. Make sure, just like sweatpants, you sag these a little bit. Why? TO STICK IT TO THE MAN. THE MAN DOESN’T WANT YOU SAGGING YOUR PANTS AND DAMN THE FUCKING MAN, RIGHT? Pro-tip: Don’t wear these with a boner. Or, you know what, totally do. We're sticking it to the man, remember? And that, my friends, was a double entendre.