Coachella is like an asshole—everyone has an opinion about it! That’s how that saying goes, right?

The annual two weekend music festival in Indio, California inspires enough ire that making fun of Coachella has become almost as much a tradition as the concert itself. The only thing that might set the snarkiest corners of the Internet more ablaze would be if Anne Hathaway were to introduce each act with a painfully earnest speech about the beauty and honesty of live performance.  Don’t get any ideas, Fantine!

However, as someone who went last year and will soon board a six hour flight to Palm Springs with a suitcase full of recently un-Space Bagged shorts, I am here to tell you that despite what you may read, a weekend at Coachella can actually be a lot of fun, provided, of course, that you aren’t a total dickbag while you’re there. Trust me, there will be more than enough dickbags in attendance to make up for your lack of dickbaginess, so please check your dickbagish behavior at the dickbagishly long security lines.

Need help with all that? Here are some tips just for you, dickbag.

Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.