The Supreme Imperial Majesty Of Lavish Slander aka The (Not So) Yung Warren Buffet aka The Handsome And Likeable Donald Trump hath returned to dispense upon you all my various knowledges and pontificate on the art of networking. Some of you are probably like, "Pssshhh, what does son even know 'bout this networking shit?" Fall back, young blood. You're speaking to the anointed warrior of trade show schmoozing, the royal ambassador of the cold email and a gold medalist in the subtle name-dropping olympics. When I was born the doctors checked the guest list and the shit said, "Skip Class +1". If I wasn't so ill at networking explain to me why a 31-year-old part-time bus boy gets asked to write about shit like this?

When you get down to it networking is all just reverse gaming on this this trick we call life. In order to be successful at networking you gotta excel at things like being highly patient, seizing any and all opportune moments, not acting like a wild thirstball and employing basic common ass sense. Before I became a prestigious writer of bountiful scriptures I was an art director, brand manager, producer and probably every other important sounding, but ultimately fake, creative role you all try to make sound more important than it actually is. But that alone doesn't mean shit. I learned how to get good at networking just like how you learn to do anything well—Trial by fire. I got thrown into the deep end with the sharks in a medium-rare steak tuxedo, player. Follow my lead and let's get you up to speed.

Skip Class is a writer living in Seattle. Read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.