My whole closet should be White Mountaineering. I would look so fly and technical and casual and vaguely ethnic. Having a difficult to place ethnicity is the new killing it. Like, if you have a mixed ethnic background and move to Brooklyn you won’t even need to get tattoos or a dog. White chicks in Williamsburg are really only tryna date black dudes, but they still need to work up to it, ya know? Being half white plus half some minority makes you, like, the ketchup of dudes—you'll go well with everything. Her disappointed racist parents won’t be too upset out and once you break up all her friends will holler.