“An Oscar best-dressed? How expected.” Fuck that noise! If you expect us to come out lamenting the Oscars as a Hollywood circle jerk about which movies old, white men liked, or want people to think they like, then you hate America. Bish, don’t kill my vibe. I’m out here enjoying the spectacle of celebrity, angling to cover the fashion beat at Gawker.

“But this is serious menswear site, so you’re going to delve deep into like, the tailoring and shit right?” Nah, fuck extra-boring that noise, too. I saw a lot of people who actually know about clothes tweeting their disapproval for the presence of notched lapels, but I don’t even know why that’s a bad thing. Where I’m from you rent your tux from Mr. Formal and Mr. Formal doesn't give you a bunch of fancy lapel choices.

“Well, if you don’t know shit about formalwear, why should I listen to you?” Chill, I am imminently qualified to look at pictures and say, “Yeah, that looks good.” I mean, have you seen my Tumblr? Plus, I’ve pretty much got my Four Pins formula down: Take a subject you probably care way too much about, turn it into a self-serving vehicle for personal anecdotes and heavy-handed wordplay and profit. Now quit bitching and peep this brilliant shit about famous people.

Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. Read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.