Sometimes I wake up wishing I was white. Or black. Or some other race besides Chinese. No, this isn't a self-hate rant. You see, this is a rant about how I can't grow facial hair if my life depended on it. And you know dudes can't rock bucket hats without facial hair lest they look like the ill cornball. So no matter how warm and waterproof this Mountain Research rainy man hat (I'm assuming "rainy man" is this creepy as fuck mannequin head btw) is, I just won't look good in it. AT. ALL. But that doesn't mean the rest of you facially-endowed assholes can't rock this like a champ, and when you do, at least I can bask in the comfort of knowing that I don't wake up to this every morning.