You got that iPhone 5, doggy? Well, fuck you. My phone is literally one step above a flip phone. Remember flip phones? And that piece of shit T9 texting software that was basically your phone guessing at some ludicrous word that is rarely ever used in the English language? Texting girls “panties” and having it come out “panther”? It was definitely a vessel through which you could get drinks thrown in your face. That can't have only happened to me. It’s what happens when you’re poor and don’t get paid to do product write ups for rich motherfuckers with iPhone’s. Cue up Il Busetto’s leather iPhone case, all nice and luxurious and even fits that palm-sized supercomputer you sometimes call your parents on. It even comes in a coral red so you can look like and extra steezy, greasy old Italian man at Pitti. Yes, I am angry.