The holidays are rough out here for a young blogger trying to get that money. The last few seasons you’ve successfully dodged the transition of questions from, “What classes are you taking?” to, “What are you doing with your life?” by side-stepping and proudly proclaiming that you “have some solid prospects.” But you’re getting too old for equivocation and grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles and all the other technological plebs in your family want to know what the fuck you’re actually doing for a living. You’re too busy to call or visit, apparently, and you’re not starving, so you must be doing something.

As you begin to stumble through an explanation that captures the wide breadth of your digital contributions without going way over Granny’s head, you see Grandpa across the crowded room yucking it up with Don, your successful brother-in-law who works in finance and drives an Audi. Come on, Grandpa, have you even checked my Klout score? If you’re in your twenties, and at least vaguely employed by the Internet (one of every five 20-somethings I meet is a “Social Media Manager,”), then you probably encountered something like this over Thanksgiving. But chill, because just in time for Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanza, I’ve got three ready-made strategies for navigating the barrage of holiday interrogations. Of course, all three routes are predicated on drinking heavily. Leggo!

Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. Read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.