Maison Martin Margiela is the reason you’re into replicas of European army trainers. Maison Martin Margiela is also the reason why you have to budget for crazy cheap things like toilet paper and a new toothbrush. Oh, you’re too cool for pre-distressed gear? I don’t paint and if I tried to DIY this shit I guarantee it would look like a giant splooge stain on my expensive sneakers, not paint drops from when I was painting naked girls in my signature postmodern style. Buy them because that Art History major with the oversized tortoise shell frames will be like, "Nice shoes, they remind me of Pollack.” And you can be all, “I prefer Jasper Johns, but, yeah, these old things have been in my closet forever.” Next thing you know you’ll be making out all over that shithole she calls an "artist’s loft" that's really just university housing. Thank you Tres Bien for helping us trick pretentious girls into sleeping with us.