The 10 Ugliest McMansions In New Jersey

Image via Complex Original

An Architectural Fantasy

Town: Montville, NJ

Size: 13,500 sq ft

Value: $3,800,000

Architect who would despise this: Mansart

The individual parts of the house: the archways, the mouldings, and the windows, all seem like they are meant to be spread out on a house that is larger than this already oversized home. Again Mansart, creator of iconic French architectural elements, would cringe at the integration of his style into this house. The hints of scrollwork in the windows and on the chimney give the design of this house almost a fantastical feel, but I doubt there will be a happy ending to this architectural fairytale.

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Teresa Giudice’s House

Town: Towaco, NJ

Size: 12,000 sq ft

Architect who would despise this: Venturi

Value: $4,000,000

The beauty of this house lies in comparing the front elevation with the aerial shot of the house. It makes me think of what Venturi calls a "decorated shed", when huge, mass produced megamarts slap a sign on their huge warehouse box of a store. I don’t see much difference between how Walmart decorates its square stores with its logo and this box decorated with “sophistocated”, “French” finishings.

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In Need of Salt

Town: Moorestown, NJ

Size: 12,000 sq ft

Value: $5,295,000

Architect who would despise this: Charles Moore

This house is like an unsalted potato chip, horribly bland. The window surrounds are nonexistent and the dormers seem clad in vinyl siding. There is no dimension to the house. Nothing about it says unique or custom made. Charles Moore produced many buildings with simplistic, paired down elements, but those were carefully selected, and oftentimes were fraught with architectural irony. The only thing that's ironic here is a multimillion dollar house that's stylistically worthless. 

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French Opulence

Town: Fort Lee, NJ

Size: 5 br, 6 bath

Value: $2,500,000

Architect who would despise this: Mansart

Besides the bland, beige brick, disproportionate windows, and disjoined French, steep roof made popular by the architect Mansart (they are actually called Mansart roofs) with a circular window in the front to show that it is “authentic”, my favorite part of this house is the pair of Corinthian columns holding up the porch.

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Eavesdropping

Town: Saddle River, NJ

8500 sq ft

Value: $4.5 million

Architect who would despise this: Lutyens

Lutyens, the master of cheeky British architecture and overgrown eaves to create humor, would find the roof line of this home disproportionate and clunky. Not to mention the proportion of the second story Norman windows to the rest of the house and the relatively tiny columns holding up that massive overhang of a porch.

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A Confused Chateaux

Town: Alpine, NJ

Size: 14,000 Sq Ft

Price: $14,750,000

Architect who would despise this: European Castle Builders

If you can decide which country this house draws inspiration from, please tell me. It’s like a French chateaux, whose father is a romanesque cathedral and whose mother is a quarter German.

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“Barons Court”

Town: Montville NJ

Size: 5 bedrooms

Architect who would despise this: Robert Smythson

Coining, Rustication, Tudor beams? Lantern windows that recall Robert Smythson's famous Hardwick Hall? Some central European roof influence? Why not. They must all work together if they are all from Europe! I'm sure Robert Smythson appreciates being worked into that mix, too. 

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“Villa Collina”

Town: Moorestown, NJ

Size: 45,854 sq ft

Architect who would despise this: Le Nôtre and Le Brun, landscape architects of Versailles

The gardens of this house are insane. Very axiometric designs that are centered around roundels like in Versailles, but the only thing is that, at Versailles, the gardens are connected to each other, and they make sense as a whole. These seem placed simply in relation to which rooms overlook them.

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Cedar Grove Megamansion

Town: Cedar Grove, NJ

Size: 25,000 sq ft.

Value: $18,000,000

Architect who would despise this: Palladio

Corinthian columns are just a bad idea in modern residential architecture. Everything about this house screams at you, hitting you over the head with how big and fancy it is meant to be. Look at the window trimming, which projects enough to almost be classified as a sculptural relief. This completely goes against the architectural theory of Palladio, the master of Italian symmetry and quiet architectural harmony.

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The Marble House

Town: Avalon, NJ

Size: 5 Bed, 5.5 Bath

Value: $9.875

Architect who would despise this: Le Corbusier

The fenestration on this house baffles me. The top row of windows seems awkwardly squeezed in there, and what’s with that random round window? The rear elevation looks like it has staircases stolen from Le Corbusier, who I’m sure would be incredibly flattered to be connected with this house.

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