NAME: Ralphie
AGE: 38
OCCUPATION: Lover of the world!
HOME BASE: Los Angeles and Nashville
SHIRT: Mighty Big Man
SUNGLASSES: Prada
PANTS: Calvin Klein
SHOES: Timberland Blue Jean Couture
What's your must-have item for spring? Sunglasses.
What's going to be the big spring trend? Gold Bond Powder. You're gonna wear skinny jeans, and then wear two shirts on top? There's too much moisture, playboy! Better get some Gold Bond. That's gonna be the biggest accessory for these hipsters.
What sneaker style are you rocking this season? Prada. I like the sneakers, they're comfortable, they're made in Italy, so I don't have to worry about slave labor.
Vote on whether today's subject is "Stylin" or "Wildin" below...
Who/what inspires your style? I'm kind of a trendsetter, because there's not that many hip fat guys out there, you know?
What city/country has the best style? I'd have to say Italy, having gone there because I wear a lot of Italian clothes.
Who has wack style? Rush Limbaugh. I mean, as a fellow fat guy, c'mon. You could step it up a notch. But he's like ancient. And mean. I think that Seth Rogen has horrible, horrible style. He's in shape, he looks great, there's no reason for him to wear horrible clothes, and yet he always does.
What trend do you want to see die? Tight-pants dudes with camel toe. Dudes cannot have camel toe, all right? If you get pants that allow camel toe, you're gonna regret it.
Last clothing item you purchased? I got a pair of Prada sneakers a week ago.
Most money you ever spent on a single item of clothing? $3500 on an Italian patent leather orange jacket that I wore on my comedy special Austin-Tatious.
What do chicks dig about your style? My cologne. I always smell good. I wear Versace aftershave, and it goes well with Allure Homme Edition Blanche Chanel cologne. They like the combination. It's a unique scent and you can't get it over the counter, if you mix it up like that.
What's the most common statement people make about your style? "For a fat guy you look great." And it's like, "Damn! You gotta qualify it?"
What's the item currently in your closet you most regret buying? I got a pink Polo knit collared shirt that I'm like, "What the fuck am I gonna wear this with?" I just look like a big-ass strawberry walking down the street in that son of a bitch, but I did it because I was gonna go play golf at this place in Arizona with some radio buddies of mine, and you had to have a collared shirt. I stopped by a fat guy store and I'm like, "All right, if I'm gonna have a collared shirt, I'm gonna get the most annoying collared shirt that they have." Turned out I did.
What is your favorite city? New York. It's a fun town, man.
What is your dream job? I'm a radio geek, and my dream job would be Artie Lang's job on Howard Stern.
Who is your dream date? I'm married, so I mean, my dream date... is not with a lawyer! I like that chick Megan Fox, but her hands are creepy. Have you seen her hands? Jesus, what the fuck! She's got like man hands. Easy on the eyes, tough on the hands!
Last book read? I reread Catcher in the Rye last week. I hadn't read it in 20 years, and picked it back up and was like, "Wow, man. Why didn't I fucking read this all the time?" It's beautiful.
What is your trend-proof style advice for our readers? White shirt and blue jeans and boots.
[poll id="547"]
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ryan April 1st, 2010 at 11:57 AM
isnt he a (unfunny) commedian ?
Kay R April 1st, 2010 at 12:20 PM
APRIL FOOLS!
Small Shark April 1st, 2010 at 12:21 PM
two words: gastric bypass
Roo April 1st, 2010 at 12:40 PM
STYLIN'!!!!!111
crewlife April 1st, 2010 at 12:56 PM
The Sartorialist needs you guys to select for his site
TE Wanamaker April 1st, 2010 at 01:09 PM
More like The Fartorialist
karlyaphelghmsky April 1st, 2010 at 01:39 PM
hahahahahahaha! i love this guy. i'm stocking up on gold bond powder now...
SW April 1st, 2010 at 04:40 PM
38 year old virgin
abc123 April 1st, 2010 at 05:17 PM
killin it!
Elrige Shelton April 1st, 2010 at 09:50 PM
Lol at people on here hating on this guy because he's big...like he doesn't know that....smh.
Dandamaaan April 1st, 2010 at 11:31 PM
Wow I thought the greatest footwear moments was the best. I was wrong. HILARIOUS. Plus people said he was stylin'