A Letter to Laurie Daley from a Sad, Sad NSW Fan

Frustrated NSW State of Origin fan pens Laurie Daley a heartfelt letter

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Laurie, it’s Steve. You don’t know me man, but give me a minute of your time. I know you’re busy, you’re naming the NSW State of Origin team on Monday – there’s a lot of pressure on you. But yo, let’s just take a minute. 

We’ve lost nine out of the last ten State of Origin series. That’s a 10% winning margin, it's disgraceful. I understand though, I mean how do you beat this QLD Origin team, with amazing players like Jonathan Thurston, Cameron Smith, and the one of the greatest Origin players NSW has ever produced – Greg Inglis.

But let me say this – I’m from Penrith. This rugby league shit means a disproportionate amount to me. The last ten years have been a very dark time for me. I’ve tried to fill this void with marriage, children, running my own business – these have been hollow pursuits. I just need some sort of respectability restored to the beautiful state of New South Wales. 

If I was unsuccessful nine times out of ten, I wouldn’t have a job anymore bruh. You’ve gotta think about this. You need to overhaul this team. I know Michael Jennings is fast, but you know something? James Roberts has more speed than Oxford Street. He also plays for a winning team. You smell me?

I’ve laid it out here man. Just listen to me, please.

If you ignore my advice, hey man that’s on you. But if you stick with the same tired players and lose again, well...

You Played Yourself

Who else are you gonna put on the wing, really. Remember when you picked Nathan Merritt? Daniel Tupou? You have terrible wing judgement bruh. Let me step in and make it easy; Josh Mansour is a beast. He averages more run metres than any other wing in the competition, and also looks like one of the warriors from 300. Everytime he brings the ball out of Penrith territory, he has a bunch of dudes hanging off him like he's in some sort of reversed Lynx ad. He’s played for Australia, so a Blue jersey is only right at this point. 

On the other wing, give Tom Trbojevic a go. We don’t need an out of form Will Hopoate or an out of position fullback dicking around on the wing. Pick some young, strong wingers who know their role and are going to show up. FFS Laurie we got beaten by 10,000 points in Game 3 last year, it’s time to swing the axe.

I love this myth that certain players are ‘built for Origin’ because they’re low-key dirty players or have a short fuse. Darius Boyd, Jonathan Thurston and Greg Inglis are neither of these, and are some of the most-capped, highest-scoring and most successful players in Origin history. 

Josh Reynolds isn’t even low-key dirty, he’s out there putting it on blast. All this dude does is run sideways and give away stupid penalties. He is 100% not suited for Origin. I don’t understand why he would be in contention for anything.

The Bryce is Right

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Bryce Cartwright is the future of the team. I don’t care what anyone says, this dude is an excellent line-runner, a master of second-phase play, has a bizarrely good short kicking game, and understands the game well beyond his years. His defence isn’t amazing, I know, but goddamn dude did you see City Vs Country?

Our other second-row options are lacking in attacking ability; Josh Jackson, Beau Scott … Ryan Hoffman? Nah son. 

Honestly man, this guy puts up numbers, I can see that, but who is this dude? He’s the most unremarkable, plain looking, straight-running guy on the field, in any game he plays in. I don’t even have any advice regarding his selection, I’m just asking a question here. Who is he? What does he do? I don't get it.

Peep this from his player profile on the Bulldogs website. Why am I not surprised by these answers. Is there a player who listens to M.O.P and plays with dynamite in his spare time? Pick that guy instead.

Josh Jackson is boring

This makes no sense man. No sense. We have pivots already. James Maloney is in form, has played Origin and won a Grand Final before, he’ll do just fine. Why you would be toying with the idea of plucking a fullback from his regular game and throwing him at five-eighth, I don’t understand. But on the other hand, it definitely helps me understand why we’ve lost NINE OUT OF THE LAST TEN SERIES.

I get that Moylan is a talented player who likely has a Blue jersey in his future, but right now he’s a fullback, and both Josh Dugan and James Tedesco (with functioning legs) are better at that position.

His regular season form has been a little average, but his wonderfully disrespectful exchange with Corey Parker will forever endear me to this bald-headed ball of fury. 

He’s lost 7 series man. SEVEN. He’s Australia’s crying Jordan meme at this point. Just let it go man, he’s never gonna win a series. It’s over. I cant believe he's even in contention for this job. In addition to an 0-7 record, he's also played a grand total of two games in 2016.

Just chuck Adam Reynolds in there, he has a better kicking game than any other option. Pick Aidan Sezer if you want, I don't really care. Just don't let Queensland make us cry again.

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