15 ESPN Trade Machine-Approved Deals for Russell Westbrook

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Team(s) involved: Knicks

Player(s) involved: Carmelo Anthony, Cleanthony Early, Anthony Morrow

Wins gained: -8

To be honest, the trade was originally aimed for the Nets. Mikhail Prokhorov's five-year plan, which aimed to bring a championship to Brooklyn, failed. Now, the Nets' highest paid player averages just 10.3 points per game. They also just won their first game of the season after seven straight losses. It's all so embarrassing that my Nets winter hat has stayed exactly where it's rested over the whole summer: At the bottom of my dresser. I'd rather a head cold than embarrassment.

However, there isn't anybody on the Nets roster that's good enough for a trade to even hold up as a joke. But the Knicks have resembled an NBA team this season, and they also have the always valuable Carmelo Anthony. Should the Knicks try to deal an undeniably loyal player for the mercurial Russell Westbrook? Yes. Do you see who else the Thunder really have besides Kevin Durant? They weren't winning a title anyway.

Team(s) involved: Bulls

Player(s) involved: Derrick Rose, Steven Adams, Pau Gasol, Anthony Morrow

Wins gained: -11

Every Derrick Rose season since his MVP year has amounted to some sort of underwhelming comeback story. This isn't what the Bulls gave him a five-year/$94,314,380 contract for; Rose was supposed to be The One who led Chicago to the promised land. Since that's failed, it's time to break things up. Shipping Westbrook off to Chicago would shake the league, and Durant has himself a gamer with Gasol at the post. The Wins Gained metric says the Thunder have absolutely nothing to gain from this, so I'll throw in a small bit of collateral that the Trade Machine doesn't account for: OKC gets the first and second-round draft picks in 2016—and the rest of eternity.

Team(s) involved: Lakers

Player(s) involved: Julius Randle, Nick Young, D'Angelo Russell

Wins gained: -13

Shooting 32 percent from the field, Kobe Bryant hasn't been very good this season. So no, he's not on the trading block for Russell Westbrook. But you gotta invest in the future, man, and D'Angelo Russell and Julius Randle are the future if they're developed properly. They should be reliable by the time Kevin Durant reaches the end of his prime. And Swaggy P? I don't know—he's harmless, so let's just throw him in there.

Team(s) involved: Pistons

Player(s) involved: Jodie Meeks, Brandon Jennings, Andre Drummond

Wins gained: -4

The most relevant Drummond since Phillip from Different Strokes should be welcomed in Oklahoma City. The man's averaging almost 20 points and 20 rebounds a game, and the man is also just a young man at 22 years old. The Thunder are already the league's leaders in rebounds, but think of the possibilities of having Serge Ibaka and Drummond on that frontcourt while Kevin Durant plays the consistent threat.

Team(s) involved: Grizzlies, Clippers

Player(s) involved: Kevin Durant, Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, Nick Collison, Courney Lee, Mike Conley

Wins gained: -12

With the Warriors somehow getting even better and the Spurs, Cavs, and Clippers still looking hungry, raise your hands if you think the Thunder are winning a title sometime soon? Oh wow, nobody? OK, then it's time to make some changes. Maybe splitting the two biggest stars is a bit much, but this is the NBA: Go big or get dunked on like Mozgov. The Thunder gotta make some moves or end up like the '90s SuperSonics—hopefully with less alcoholism.

Team(s) involved: Warriors

Player(s) involved: Klay Thompson

Wins gained: -12

You have the best of the west on one team: Steph Curry and Russell Westbrook. One has dribbling skills that crosses into surrealism. The other may not even be made of human bone. No one's stopping Westbrook at the two and Curry at the one. The Thunder have absolutely nothing to gain but Klay Thompson's 360-degree waves. They have surely screwed themselves out of championship contention and have doomed Kevin Durant to a ringless future. But OKC gotta do it for the culture.

Team(s) involved: Sixers

Player(s) involved: Half of the Sixers

Wins gained: -8

The common theme of these trade machine lists is how, come what may, the majority of the Sixers roster are still worth less than a franchise superstar—both in terms of talent and sometimes money. This season is no different. Philadelphia is now forced to watch an 0-8 team struggle a month after seeing its hated baseball rivals, the Mets, make it to the World Series. That Philly come-up is coming soon, though. Meek Mill's Dreamchasers 3 is probably going to be so fire. Dreamchasers 3 is going to be so fire, it's actually a Schoolly D album. Dreamchasers 3 is going to be so fire, you'll repent for your sins. Beanie Sigel is probably sitting on a classic, too.

Team(s) involved: Hawks

Player(s) involved: Al Horford, Jeff Teague

Wins gained: -2

This one actually might work. For OKC, it puts Al Horford's talent next to Serge Ibaka's while giving Kevin Durant a more-than-reliable All-Star in Jeff Teague. For the Hawks, there's Russell Westbrook, who gets to frolic in the city of Atlanta after games. It's a step up from dry-as-hell Oklahoma City. The city is the birth place of literary legend Ralph Ellison, which is cool, but I can't imagine Westbrook racks his mind all that much with the issue of black identity in America.

Team(s) involved: Rockets

Player(s) involved: Dwight Howard, James Harden, Serge Ibaka, Mitch McGary

Wins gained: 3

Hollinger's Analysis says the Thunder would actually benefit from this trade. I'm not sure: they're essentially just swapping a foward and a scorer, one of which is more reliable and less cursed than the other. That said, I don't have an ESPN metric named after me, so I'll defer. (Also, huzzah!: KD and The Beard would be reunited.)

Team(s) involved: Lakers, Clippers

Player(s) involved: Blake Griffin, Serge Ibaka, D'Angelo Russell, J.J. Redick, Russell Westbrook, Roy Hibbert

Wins gained: 3

The Thunder get a reliable scorer in J.J. Redick and one of the best forwards in the league just as he enters his prime years. The Clippers get Westbrook possibly at the 2 with Roy Hibbert as collateral. The Lakers get Serge Ibaka in a frontcourt that's been forced to rely on Roy Hibbert as a starter. The Lakers still won't make it to the playoffs, but Byron Scott might get to keep his job next season.

Team(s) involved: Wizards

Player(s) involved: John Wall, Mitch McGary, Bradley Beal

Wins gained: -4

Because Durant-Beal-Wall-Ibaka sounds like a dope starting lineup. However, I'm not too concerned with that as much as I'm excited about “Westbrook and McGary Take Over Chocolate City,” the can't-miss TBS sitcom that chronicles their shenanigans.

Team(s) involved: Timberwolves

Player(s) involved: Andrew Wiggins, Karl-Anthony Towns, Zach LaVine, Shabazz Muhammad, Adreian Payne, Gorgui Dieng, Tyus Jones, Damjan Rudez

Wins gained: -3

The bane of Oklahoma City's existence over the past few years has been its shallow supporting cast. If you take out either Westbrook or Durant, you're left with a pretty vulnerable squad. The Timberwolves have a whole team of bench players. No shade. Well, some shade, but the point is that Durant would have a leg to lean on if (or, in these days, when) his isn't cooperating.

Team(s) involved: Raptors

Player(s) involved: Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mitch McGary

Wins gained: -1

Lowry and DeRozan would no longer have to carry a team; I hear Durant is still pretty decent. But the point is how Westbrook is going to become a god when he reaches the Raptors. His Toronto uniform and his being Russell Westbrook guarantees a Drake name drop. Steph Curry became MVP after “0 to 100.” So, yeah—it makes sense. In fact, it's the only thing to do. It's for the culture, you know.

Team(s) involved: Knicks, Kings, Mavericks

Player(s) involved: Steve Novak, Kristaps Porzingis, DeMarcus Cousins, Dirk Nowitzki, Dion Waiters, Josh Huestis, Willie Cauley-Stein

Wins gained: -5

The Thunder get themselves a great starting five, while the Kings and the Mavericks get a little somethin' somethin'. The Knicks have no reason to take part in this, though. I don't know—James Dolan hasn't proven himself deserving of Kristaps Porzingis. But to be fair to New York fans, the Knicks can have Steve Novak back.

Team(s) involved: Cavaliers, Pacers

Player(s) involved: Serge Ibaka, Kyrie Irving, Paul George

Wins gained: -9

Westbrook works better than Kyrie Irving because Westbrook doesn't break—he dents, like an Escalade. Plus, this shouldn't be an insurmountable loss for the Thunder. Paul George said he's the best player in the NBA, and he seems like an honest man. So no one should feel guilty fawning over the resulting Westbrook/James takeover.