Victim: Tyreke Evans
Derrick Rose's freakish talent isn't the only reason we're busting his balls for his absence. We're a society that appreciates the sight of souls crumbling to the ground because of his finesse and speed. For example, Tyreke thinks he has Rose, but a quick cut forces him to his knees so fast it looks like he's about to sing his praises in church. He's in church, except in this one instead of seeing a priest, ray of light, or what-have-you, he sees D. Rose's behind. Hopefully the Church of Rose gets more members this season.