So Derek Jeter officially announced that he's going to retire after the 2014 MLB season yesterday. And shortly after he did, there were tons and tons and tons of people telling all kinds of Jeter-related stories. From actual baseball analysts to regular people on Twitter, it seems everyone has a story to tell about Jeter. But no one—and we do mean no one—has a story like Twitter user/writer/comedian @Rickonia. We have no way of knowing if his story is actually true or how much he embellished it. But even if it's 100 percent false, we still imagine that this is what would happen if Derek Jeter pushed up on your girl at the club.
Here's @Rickonia's story in all its glory. Enjoy:
Remind me to tell y'all about the time Derek Jeter left the club w/ a girl I came with. #that1stillhurts #ilikedher
I mean what are you suppose to do when Derek Jeter pushes up on a girl your dating at the club
He was so smooth about it tho. I didn't even know it happened until 20 mins after they left the club
I was just sitting at the table with my drink in my hand. And this was before the days of smart phones so I had to just stand there
Acting like everyone in the club didn't just see Jeter leave with my girl. I had to act like I wanted to stay and listen to music
ALONE
Hell, I was more mad she left cause she was my ride. They could have hooked up but at least given me a ride home
So I got my girl AND ride taken...
Worst part is I couldn't be mad at him for pulling her. Couldn't be mad at her for picking him over me. So I just was mad at myself
I didn't watch baseball for like two years after that...
Needless to say I never talked to that girl ever again... Once she's with Jeter she belongs to the streets bro
@Rickonia that's what you get for bringing your girl to the club dummy
I hate Jeter, the Yankees, pinstripes, and the number 2 #Jeter
PS I had to catch the bus back to my hotel cause my card got declined paying for the bottle service
YOU DON'T KNOW SADNESS UNTIL THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS COMES BACK W/ SECURITY TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER CREDIT CARD
And of course you have to act like you have another credit card, knowing good and well those credit cards are maxed too
So just to recap, I lost my girl to Jeter, I have no ride, and my credit card got declined
I HAD TO CATCH THE BUS. YOU DON'T KNOW HUMBLE UNTIL YOU HAVE TO CATCH THE BUS AFTER THE CLUB
I'm heated y'all. I must have repressed the memory but the more I think about it, the more mad I'm getting
And y'all know that out of town hook up is hard. I'd been putting in work for weeks. Met chick on MySpace and everything
Been working on that for min.. Put her in my Top 8 on Myspace, flew into town, took her to Bahama Breeze for Jeter to take her
I had to spend the rest of the 'vacation' looking up old relatives acting like I came to visit them cause I needed somewhere to stay
I sleeping on my great aunt's next door neighbors floor while Jeter hitting home runs with my top 8
Just did get done paying off that credit card too...
*fights air*
OMFG. Seriously, how fucking great is that?! Sorry, dude.
RELATED: Gallery: Derek Jeter's (Alleged) Female Conquests
[via Smoking Section]
