So Derek Jeter officially announced that he's going to retire after the 2014 MLB season yesterday. And shortly after he did, there were tons and tons and tons of people telling all kinds of Jeter-related stories. From actual baseball analysts to regular people on Twitter, it seems everyone has a story to tell about Jeter. But no one—and we do mean no one—has a story like Twitter user/writer/comedian @Rickonia. We have no way of knowing if his story is actually true or how much he embellished it. But even if it's 100 percent false, we still imagine that this is what would happen if Derek Jeter pushed up on your girl at the club.

Here's @Rickonia's story in all its glory. Enjoy:

OMFG. Seriously, how fucking great is that?! Sorry, dude.

RELATED: Gallery: Derek Jeter's (Alleged) Female Conquests

[via Smoking Section]